Dear sisters,
As I ruminate on this month’s topic of how biblical womanhood has affected my life, I have found myself pondering over my four decades of breath. I must admit both my family and spiritual life have been quite an influence. My first understanding was that girls can do anything boys can do. Then it changed into how I presented myself and whether I was married or not (a stereotypical function of a woman). Next it was simply and only that I was an image bearer of God and follower of Christ. And finally, I am coming to realize that although God made me in His image equal in worth as a man, he designed for me different functions. And this function looks different as a single woman, married woman, mom, empty nester, or widow.
This journey began with me being born into a family with two older brothers, a dad, and a mom who is still a tomboy to this day. My mom came from a line of strong women who worked hard for the family as the men of the home struggled with alcoholism and holding a job. She challenged me to play hard in sports, do well in school, and get a good job. I never heard that my sex could keep me from achieving anything.
Regardless, I grew up desperately wanting to be a boy, so I could finally beat my brothers at something. I did manage (or was forced) to wear a dress to church every Sunday but wouldn’t be caught dead in one any other day of the week. The color pink for me was off-limits and my toy collection was Legos, Lincoln Logs, and Star Wars. The idea of girls being different than boys was only mentioned by my parents so that my brothers wouldn’t hit me…to which they would reply, “she’s not a girl, she’s my sister!” and then proceed to give me a “hurts donut.”
Then I attended a Bible school after high school. Here I had a crisis of what it meant to be a biblical woman. I was told how to do my hair, how to clean my shoes, that I had to wear dresses to learn, and that certain body functions were not allowed in the dorm. What? The capstone was when I heard how many girls came to this school simply to get married rather than gain an education. Being a biblical woman, it seemed, was how you presented yourself as well as being a wife and mother. Huh. Something about that seemed off. I realized that being a wife and mom were biblical God-given gifts, but there had to be more than this stereotypical function to biblically define me as a woman. What if I never got married?
I graduated the Bible school not married and I continued my education at a state school to get a degree in zoology. I didn’t date. I was focused on ministry in the local church and getting my diploma. I can’t tell you how often I was asked, “When are you getting married?” or “Why aren’t you married”? Most of these inquiries were from Christian people whom I know meant well, yet I couldn’t help wondering if they were implying that I was biblically not a complete woman unless I was married? That didn’t seem right either. God created me in His image, was I not complete in Christ alone? Does biblical womanhood really mean I need to be married and have children?
It took almost another decade for me to discover what the bible really teaches about womanhood. It begins in Genesis. God created man, male and female, after His own image. I have intrinsic worth because God made me! So do you. But wait, there is more. God created Adam from the dust and breathed life into him. God gave him the command to be a steward of all he had just created. Part of that stewardship was naming the animals. Adam watched a parade of animals march by him, two by two, for probably what seemed like forever. He saw each pair were the same…yet different. We are told that there was not a companion suitable for Adam, so God put him asleep and formed Eve from his rib. Not from his head to rule or from his feet to trample, but from his side, an equal companion!
What was Adam’s reaction? Was it a bro hug? No, it was amazement and happiness. This was a woman! Equal in worth, yet we learn different in function and role. God said this was good! Eve was given the same intrinsic value of Adam, yet she also complimented him. He was made to lead, provide, protect, and love Eve. She was made to help him emotionally, physically, and mentally as he led. Adam and Eve were both necessary to reveal God’s glory. If this was not so, then why create male and female? He could have stopped with just Adam, but he didn’t.
So, when I was a working single woman, I was no less incomplete. Scripture abounds with showing women thrive to the glory of God in their singleness. So my functional womanhood worked itself out as I used my gifts, service, and helper status in the local church. Here I could love God and my neighbor to the glory of God as I serve the Lord emotionally, physically, and mentally as a woman.
Then God gifted me with my husband. My functional single woman status changed to be his helper and companion. At first this looked like me working to help him through seminary as well as joyfully submitting to him (OK, this is still a work in progress). After seminary we started to have kids and so my functional role went from being a helper who also works, to being a mother who stays at home. I have to remind myself often, that me not bringing home a paycheck does not mean my worth is less as a woman. My intrinsic worth as an image bearer never changes, neither does my worth in Christ. But functionally I am emotionally, physically, and mentally helping my husband and discipling my kids. There will come a day when my kids are out of the house and I can work again if Barrett and I think that’s a wise decision. There may even come a day when the Lord takes Barrett home. What then? Have I lost my biblical womanhood? Absolutely not.
As I was teaching my daughter the differences between consonants and vowels today, I came across this analogy in her spelling book, “All people are either male or female. Each has strengths and weaknesses, and together we make up the human race. We would not last long without each other.” The analogy was trying to show that just like words cannot be made up of consonants or vowels alone, the human race would not survive with only male or females. God created male and female partners to compliment each other so that God’s full glory can be seen in our functional roles, no matter if you are single, married, a mom, work, unemployed, soldier, young or old. When I realized that me being a woman has unique and special capacities that are different than a man and that they can be celebrated no matter what season I am in, I was overjoyed at God’s creative genius.
My journey of understanding biblical womanhood has been serpentine and at times, confusing. Yet God has used this sojourn to show me the brilliance of his creating man, both male and female after his own image and helping me to see the importance of my role. I hope you do too.
Your sister in Christ,
Colleen