A Means, Not An End

My dear sister,

I think about marriage—a lot. I feel that as a single woman that is simply part of my job description. Think about marriage, dream about marriage, date guys who want marriage, and then maybe some day, I’ll actually have marriage.

Even just a year ago, singleness was easier to cope with but now that I’ve officially entered the season where all my friends are getting married (five between now and March) I’m getting more and more uncomfortable with my singleness. I’ve grown even dissatisfied in my lot from the Lord.

But why should I be dissatisfied in this? Singleness really isn’t that bad. Because of it, I am able to devote more of my time and energy to the Lord with few distractions. (1 Corinthians 7:34) Additionally, singleness offers a lot of freedom in how I spend my time and money. Why give all that up for a ring, limitations, and dirty diapers?

Dear sister, I think I often fall into the trap of thinking that my life doesn’t really begin until I have a man to share it with. So until he comes I’m just waiting around trying to look busy. But this ought not to be the case. Marriage is not the end or goal of my life. Neither is singleness. God gives both and takes away both but the season is not an end in itself. Rather, each season is a means to God’s end for our lives, which is our sanctification.

First Thessalonians 4:7a says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification.” Contrary to the messages of the world, God’s first concern is not our happiness. Instead he desires for us to be holy, to be conformed to the image of his Son. Sanctification is the life-long process of being transformed into the likeness of Christ.

Both singleness and marriage are simply means to God’s greater end of making us holy and perfect. We can’t worry that not being married means that we’re not fulfilling our purpose. Our purpose is not to be married. Our chief purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and we can do that with or without a diamond ring (With, God, please with!).

The Lord is sovereign over where you are right now, dear sister, even if you don’t want to be there. Live out your singleness with earnest devotion to the Lord. Married already? Then be a godly and devoted wife and mother.

Each season in your life contributes to your sanctification. Take advantage of each one and don’t waste it. Trust God every day and hope in Him. Rest assured, He will complete the work he has begun in you (Philippians 1:6). He will not fail.

The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. -Psalm 84:11